On Over-Possessive Parenting

My inaanak (godchild), the only child of my cousin Myles, is encountering the same problem that her mother went thru when we were kids – having to deal with a very strict and possessive grandmother, my Mom’s elder sister.

You see, my cousin was raised by her mother alone, and my Tita (Aunt) is a tad too possessive about restricting my cousin’s movements.  And this evolve into some complications when my cousin rebelled, and my cousin went thru problems with her own marriage, which ended in annulment.

This time, my Tita’s over-possessiveness is concentrated at my inaanak, and I can see that the young girl (she’s 13 and entering high school next summer) is struggling to deal with it, and is becoming overstressed.  Just like her mother before, my tita is restricting her movements (even with her own mother) and I feel that it’s reflecting badly on my inaanak.  She’s now showing some bad habits, that, while I can place as something a typical teen might develop, I still feel as a tad more rebellious than most.

I have an easy time relating with my inaanak, since we’re both otakus and anime fans.  I lend her some anime that I have, and she gives me advice on what anime is good to watch and manga to read as well.  I might have tag along during the next anime con, since her mom told me that my inaanak hasn’t been to any anime event yet.   And I’m proud of her since she’s a straight A student, and looks to have passed the entrance exam of a prestigious science high school in Makati that she – and not her grandmother or mother – really wanted to enter.

But then again, I am concerned about the stress I see building up inside her.  While I might not be the model youth I was when I was younger, at least my folks let me decide on what I want to do or to be, as long as I was responsible enough.  I know I won’t be able to take the stress of over-restrictiveness that my tita is showing her granddaughter, and I know my cousin is also stressing over what her daughter is going thru.  There had been confrontation and fights, and the atmosphere between them is gloomy at best.  Even my mom and her sisters get into arguments with my tita about this touchy subject.

Hopefully she can cope with it.  All I can do is support her mom thru advice, and maybe just reach out more to my inaanak thru our common otaku interests.

What are you’re thoughts about parents being over-protective or over-possessive?  Any suggestions on how I can help or guide my inaanak with this problem?

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